Talking about non-monogamy sounds great—

until you actually have to do it.

Then suddenly, your brain is screaming:

🚨 What if they get upset?
🚨 What if I say the wrong thing?
🚨 What if this conversation ruins everything?

If you’re dipping your toes into Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM), you’re going to have some tough conversations. And if you don’t have those conversations? That’s when things actually start to go wrong.

Radical Honesty is the secret weapon that makes talking about these things feel way less terrifying. It’s not about dumping every unfiltered thought onto your partner—it’s about creating the kind of relationship where you can say what’s on your mind without it turning into a disaster.

Here’s how to do it right.

Step 1: Figure Out What the Hell You Actually Want

Before you go pouring your heart out, let’s make sure you actually know what’s in your heart.

Ask yourself:

What do I really want? (More freedom? More excitement? A new adventure?)
What am I scared of? (Hurting my partner? Losing them? Feeling rejected?)
What boundaries feel important to me? (Jealousy, time, emotional connections—where do I draw the line?)

You can’t explain something to your partner if it’s still a tangled mess in your own head.

So journal it out.

Take a walk.
Stare at the ceiling dramatically.

Whatever helps you get clear.

Once you actually understand yourself, you’ll be able to explain things without sounding like a malfunctioning robot.

Step 2: Pick the Right Moment (and Avoid the Dumb Ones)

You don’t drop, “Hey, I was thinking we should explore threesomes” while your partner is trying to parallel park.

You need a time and place where you can actually talk.

✅ Somewhere private and comfortable.
✅ No distractions (yes, that means putting your phone down).
✅ A relaxed, calm vibe—maybe over drinks or snuggled up on the couch.

And most importantly: Don’t make it a battle.

Radical Honesty isn’t about attacking your partner with the truth—it’s about creating a space where both of you feel safe to be open.

Which brings us to…

Step 3: Say It Straight (Without Being an A$$hole)

Honesty isn’t just about what you say—

it’s how you say it.

🔴 What not to say:
"You never want to try anything new."

🟢 Better approach:
"I love our relationship, and I’ve been feeling this curiosity about trying something new. Can we talk about it?"

One makes your partner defensive.
The other makes them curious.

Speak from your experience, not as a judge of theirs.

Instead of, “You’re too jealous,” try, “I want to understand what makes you feel safe and secure in this.”

See the difference?

Step 4: Shut Up and Listen

This is the part where people screw up.

Honesty isn’t a monologue. It’s a conversation.

That means once you’ve shared, you need to pause.

Let your partner react. Let them process. And for the love of all things good, don’t start backpedaling the moment you sense discomfort.

They might need time. They might have questions. They might need reassurance.

Give it to them.

Step 5: Expect Messiness (and Keep Talking Anyway)

Real talk: No one does this perfectly.

There will be awkward pauses.
There will be emotions.
There will be that moment when you think, “Oh god, should I have just kept my mouth shut?”

But here’s the thing—hard conversations are what make relationships strong.

Avoiding them is what makes relationships weak.

So keep talking. Keep listening. Keep showing up with honesty and curiosity.

That’s how you build a relationship where you can say anything—

without fear that it’ll break you.

Final Thought: The Only Way Out is Through

Do you want more openness?

More adventure?

More passion?

Then you’ve got to be brave enough to talk about it.

Because that’s what creates relationships that don’t just survive—but actually thrive.

So take a deep breath, and start the conversation.

The obstacle is the way.

Radical Honesty: How to Talk About the Things You’re Afraid to Say