Swinging might still sound like a taboo topic to some—

but the truth is, this practice goes waaay back.

We’re talking way beyond the wild stories of Alexander the Great and King Solomon's 100 wives.

Non-monogamy dates back to Ancient Mesopotamia, Greece, and Rome—cultures that embraced sexual freedom and exploration long before it was trending.

And guess what?

It hasn’t stopped.

By 2009, Newsweek reported that over half a million couples were openly living in consensual non-monogamous relationships.

Swinging, or “the lifestyle,” is simply the modern-day version of an ancient tradition, but the core of it is the same: connection, honesty, and exploration.

While it’s not for everyone, more people than ever are embracing consensual non-monogamy as a way to enrich their relationships.

So, if you’re curious about diving in, you’re not alone.

Let’s break down the 10 best tips for beginners.

10 OF THE BEST QUESTIONS FOR BEGINNERS

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10 OF THE BEST QUESTIONS FOR BEGINNERS 〰️

1. What types of swingers are there?

The beauty of swinging is there’s no one way to do it.

It's all about finding what fits for you and your partner. You don’t need to shove yourself into a box—especially if you’re new to it.

But if you need some guidance, here are a few popular labels that swingers use:

Soft Swap: Playing around, like kissing or oral, but keeping it PG when it comes to penetration.
Full Swap: You’re going all in, with full sexual exchange.
Same-Room Play: It’s like a live action movie where everyone does their thing in the same room.
Hotwifing: For the couples into sharing, where the wife plays a central role.

But don't worry about fitting a label.

Start slow, communicate openly with your partner, and test the waters together.

Swinging doesn’t have to fit a mold—it’s about what works for you.

2. How do I figure out what works for me?

Look, exploring desires is like trying on new shoes.

Some fit; some don’t.

You’ve got to figure out what you’re really into, and this doesn’t happen overnight. Start by having those uncomfortable conversations with your partner. Share your deepest fantasies, and really listen to theirs too.

A great way to break it down is by using a traffic light system:

Red Light: A definite nope.
Yellow Light: Could be fun, but not sure.
Green Light: Hell yes, let’s do it!

Once you've explored a bit more, you'll both know exactly where your comfort zones are. Test things out together, and don’t be afraid to revise your list as you go.

You might surprise each other.

3. How do I not mess up my relationship?

Ah, this one’s crucial.

You don’t want to mess up what you already have.

The relationship is your foundation, and everything else should build on it.

Here’s the thing: Trust and communication are non-negotiable. Without them, you’re playing with fire.

Before even thinking about exploring with others, set clear boundaries and talk about what you both want—and don’t want. Swinging works best when both partners feel equally involved in the decision-making process. No surprises. No secrets.

Also, know that swinging isn’t just about sex—it’s about deepening your emotional connection too. The more you talk, the more trust you build.

And that trust is the glue that holds everything together.

4. How do I let my partner know what I don’t like?

Let’s face it—some things just aren’t your thing, and that’s okay.

The trick is to communicate it without shutting down the whole conversation.

The best way to approach this? Honesty with kindness. Don’t sugarcoat it, but also be gentle. Let your partner know what you like and what you don’t like, so they can respect your boundaries.

There’s no shame in saying “I’m not into that,” or “That’s not for me.” Just make sure your partner feels safe to share their own desires too.

Use the time at home to explore together. Maybe try out a little role-play, talk about fantasies, or see how far you both want to push things.

Keeping it light and open will make tough conversations easier.

5. How do we meet other partners?

The modern world is flush with options for connecting with like-minded couples.

You can hop on websites or apps to find people in the lifestyle—or go more old-school, meeting at events.

Here’s how to get started:

Swinger Websites: Think SwingLifestyle or SwingerHelp. They’re great for finding partners who are in the same headspace.
Swinging Apps: Feeld is a killer app for meeting people who share your sexual interests. Set up your profiles, swipe, and see what clicks.
In Person: Clubs, resorts, hotel takeovers—if you like the idea of meeting in person, these events are often the real deal. But always check reviews and do your research.

Start slow—sometimes chatting online is a great icebreaker before meeting face-to-face.

And remember, everyone’s on the same team when it comes to respecting boundaries.

6. How do I turn down someone I don’t like?

Rejection doesn’t have to be awkward.

The key here is clear and direct communication.

Simply say, “Thanks for the offer, but we’re not interested,” or “We’re not feeling the vibe, but good luck out there!” No drama, no hard feelings—just honesty.

Keep in mind: if someone is persistent or disrespectful after you say no, that’s a major red flag.

Your comfort and safety are #1.

7. What would a normal swing date involve?

Swinging dates look different for every couple.

But generally, expect a little bit of everything: fun conversation, shared experiences, a vibe check, and—if things click—a little more.

Think of it like a regular date—but with the expectation that everyone involved is open to more physical play.

Start with drinks, casual chatting, a little flirting, and see how things go. If there’s a chemistry between you and someone else, the vibe will flow naturally. If it doesn’t? That’s totally fine too.

Also: know that not every date leads to sex. The most important thing is the connection.

Take it slow and let things unfold.

8. As a woman, do I need to be bi to enjoy swinging?

This is an important one: you don’t need to be bisexual to enjoy swinging.

While some people might expect women to be bi, especially in certain communities, that’s not a rule. Many couples are perfectly happy exploring with only one gender, and others are okay with the idea of only straight encounters.

No pressure—what matters is what feels right for you.

Communicate with your partner, and be true to yourself.

9. How do I avoid becoming attached to someone else?

If you’re in a monogamous relationship, this can be a tricky part of swinging.

Emotional attachment is a real risk.

Here’s a simple truth: your primary relationship is the anchor. Keep the focus on your partner, not the new experiences with other people. If you start to feel feelings for someone else, take a step back and talk it through with your partner.

Set clear guidelines to prevent this emotional crossover—whether that means staying only physical or

keeping communication on a specific level.

10. How do I spot a bad match?

Trust your gut. Always.

If something feels off, it probably is.

A bad match might show itself in mismatched energy, communication breakdowns, or one person pushing for things you're not into. Trust the red flags, and don’t let anyone pressure you.

The best matches are those who respect you, your partner, and your boundaries.

Stick to that, and the rest will follow.

CONCLUSION

Swinging is all about honesty, exploration, and trust.

It’s not just about sex—it’s about deepening your bond with your partner and sharing an adventure together.

It takes patience, openness, and the right mindset. And when done right? It can change your entire relationship for the better.

So—are you ready to take the plunge and create something new?

The 10 Best Tips for New Swingers