The Truth About Swinging
Swinging may seem like a taboo topic for some-
but it's a practice that has been around for centuries, if not longer.
And we don’t just mean Alexander the Great, who fucked half of Rome, or King Solomon with his 100 wives.
We’ve seen non-monogamy exist since the days of:
Ancient Mesopotamia
Ancient Greece
Ancient Rome
All of these cultures embraced various forms of non-monogamous relationships and sexual exploration, for multiple reasons.
And it hasn’t stopped there.
In 2009, Newsweek estimated that over half a million couples were openly living in relationships that included multiple consenting partners.
Swinging, also known as the lifestyle, is just one modern manifestation of this age-old tradition.
In today's world, where traditional relationship norms are being questioned and redefined, swinging offers a refreshing alternative for couples looking to explore their sexuality and enhance their intimate connections.
While swinging may not be for everyone, more and more people are opening up to the idea of consensual non-monogamy as a valid and fulfilling lifestyle choice.
So, if you're curious about swinging and eager to explore new possibilities in your relationship,
you're not alone.
10 OF THE BEST QUESTIONS FOR BEGINNERS
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10 OF THE BEST QUESTIONS FOR BEGINNERS 〰️
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The lifestyle is growing every day as people delve deeper into their sexual desires, but remember, there’s no pressure to fit into any one category.
ENM lives under the ethos that: Every label is wrong. But some are helpful.This means you don’t have to fit into a single box, with strict rules. Sexuality is fluid, and you get to decide what you like (and what you don’t).
But if you’re looking to join The Lifestyle, and need some extra help, here are 7 of the most popular ways to swing. They range from soft swapping to full swapping, and even include fetishes like hot wifing.
It’s important again, that you educate yourself on what your desires for your relationship are, and communicate that effectively with your partner.
Only by doing this, will you be able to discover what works for your relationship.
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At this point, you have to already understand how important communication is for any ENM relationship, and that is no different for Swinging.
There can be no fun until the hard work is done.
If you’ve already completed our sexual desire test, and want to further discover where your kinks and boundaries are then maybe think of it like this, when asking questions:
Red Light - this is a definitive, NO, for you.
Yellow Light - you’re unsure, but not completely closed off
Green Light - this excites you and is a total YES for youPractice this by exploring at home.
watch porn together that you each usually watch on your own.
Try some fetishes or fantasies, that you’ve never tried before
Push yourself to have those tough conversations—it’s an invitation for someone else to say YES, but also to say NO, and you need to be comfortable with both.
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Great question.
Properly preparing for tough conversations is crucial to prevent jealousy and regret, which can ultimately doom a relationship.
You need to get used to sharing, absolutely everything, with your partner.
Practice telling them every secret you may have, especially when they pop up. When you feel as though there is something you need to keep secret from your partner, that is an excellent indicator, that you need to share it right away.
Only through open sharing can you overcome challenges together.
Remember, clear communication and total consent are at the heart of swinging. All parties need to be on board with everything. If anyone isn’t, that’s a sign to step back and discuss it first.
Set clear boundaries (like no kissing or full/soft swap) for mutual enjoyment and stick to them. If you want to change any boundaries, discuss it with your partner at home first.
Never change a boundary in the heat of the moment.
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This can only be discovered and managed, with practice.
A good start would be to use our guide to kinks and fantasies, experimenting at home to better understand what you do and don’t like.
Telling your partner NO, or hearing NO from them, is important. Why? Because it’s not as devastating as it might seem, and that’s a good thing for you to learn. Being direct and honest is the best way to ensure everyone enjoys themselves and you should be comfortable enough to do that.
But never blame or accuse your partner. Cultivate a safe, non-judgmental space for open communication, where you both feel comfortable sharing your desires and concerns.
That’s the sweet spot to healthy communication. -
This depends on your age and your technological preference.
Swinger websites like SwingerHelp or SwingLifestyle are great for connecting with other swingers. But be wary of scammers and misleading people online—safe communication is key.
Protect your privacy and protect your self.Apps like Feeld are ideal for meeting new couples. They’re full of couples with similar interests as you. If you’re new to Feeld, we’ve got a guide that can help you create a perfect profile and find your dream couple safely.
You’ll learn all of the ins & outs, such as profile picture dos and don’ts, for instance.
There are also more traditional means of meeting partners btw, such as:
Visiting swingers clubs
Attending community events
Going to resorts or hotel parties
Meeting swinger couples, is just like meeting normal people for a date.
Be respectful,
communicate openly,
and prioritize safety
when connecting with potential partners, and you’ll do great. -
Rejecting someone is never easy, but it gets easier with practice.
Just like discussing kinks and boundaries, you need to get used to saying NO respectfully. Here’s where having a wingman can help, because you are able to play to each other’s strengths.
My wife, for instance, has been pursued by more people than I have, so she had more experience breaking up with people or turning down advances from strangers.
Remember, don’t make up lies or use complex excuses.
Be direct and honest.
Speak with kindness and respect, and there will be no hard feelings.
Honesty is always appreciated more than deceit.
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This depends on the boundaries you’ve set within your relationship.
Generally, swinging can involve two main components:
Soft swapping: Engaging in sexual activities like kissing, touching, or oral sex with other partners, without penetrative intercourse.
Hard swapping: Full sexual exchange, including penetrative sex.
There are also many other factors to consider, such as Same-Room play, which involves engaging in sexual activities with other partners while in the same room as your primary partner.
Again, you’ll first need to determine which level of swapping feels comfortable for you and your partner and communicate your boundaries clearly.
Lastly, with regards to how the sex happens, this can generally take place either at someone’s home or at hotels, depending on where you most feel comfortable meeting someone.
But know that things don’t simply escalate to sex right away (depending on what you’re looking for).
You will usually go for a drink or dinner, have a conversation, and discover if you have chemistry. And this means, mutual chemistry, between everyone involved.
Many times you might have chemistry with the wife, but your partner doesn’t have chemistry with the husband, and you need to be okay walking away from that.
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You might be thinking: is this really even a thing?
And the answer is: kind of.
Of course, consent and communication are the core pillars of swinging, so you don’t need to engage in any sexual activity, that your uncomfortable with. Many swingers are heterosexual and enjoy connecting solely with partners of the opposite sex, but that’s not always the case.As a cautionary tale, there is a soft expectation at swingers clubs that every woman is bisexual. Which is total bullshit, but it is a reality you will need to be aware of before you consider visiting clubs or attending orgies.
It’s again, just important to be clear and honest with all potential (or non-potential) partners.
Voice what you are into, and what you aren’t. If you’re not into women, just say that.
Everyone is an adult, and nobody will force you to do anything you don’t want to. -
Navigating emotional attachment in swinging can be tricky.
The key is to communicate openly with your partner and set clear boundaries from the start.
Swinging is about exploring physical pleasure without catching feelings.
Focus on the moment and the physical experience. If you find yourself developing emotions for someone else, take a step back and reassess with your partner. Your primary relationship should always come first.
Stay self-aware and prioritize nurturing that connection above all else.
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This is an important skill in Swinging. Nobody wants to waste their time with bad experiences.
Look for signs like lack of communication, disregard for boundaries, or incompatible desires and preferences. Trust your instincts and pay attention to how you feel around the other couple.If something feels off or uncomfortable, don't ignore it.
Your gut instinct is your best friend in the lifestyle. Add to that, open and honest communication with your partner, and you'll ensure you dodge many shitty matches. Discuss any concerns or red flags and decide together whether to move forward or step back. It's okay to say no to a potential match if it doesn’t feel right for you.
Prioritize your safety, comfort, and enjoyment above all else.
CONCLUSION
Whichever way you choose to swing,
just ensure you always protect your relationship and your own emotions first.
Adding more people to your sex life, is a daring adventure, but you’ll find the reward is well worth the effort.
On the other side of all that hard work, lies a relationship filled with honesty, acceptance, and boundless joy.
